Having one of those nights where I just lay in bed thinking about all the things that I shouldn’t be. 

I wish I wasn’t so anxious and impatient. I wish I knew what was going to happen. With my family. With you. With school. With the house. With everything. I’m not the type who likes surprises much anymore, mostly because life has nothing but bad ones for me lately.

Can I just get this whole recruitment thing over with so I can get that talk over with? I’m so sick of not being able to say what I want to because you’re not here.